MY NEIGHBOUR

It’s ten in the morning, “Good evenin’ she say

not to correct her I just mutter “Good day”

“Precious Jesus wid me did just talk…

may God keep you from de devil fork”

(and she’s not done with homilies by a long chalk)

“Praise God” she say, then continues her walk,

ten paces away she continues her prayer…

“an’ God keep ya alls in His great and good care...”

TO THE MAN WHO STOLE MY WALLET

You sir, may never read this ditty

which for the sake of justice is a pity

I really shouldn’t call you a swine

But it’s the best word I can find

…to rhyme with ‘rhyme’

ENTRAPMENT

Lift up your heads to the rising crime rate -

Bahamaland. This cancer now imperils the state!

A cure may be to draw the criminal element

from the shadows to the open by entrapment

Perhaps it’s not a nice thing to conceive

but it’s a better alternative than crime, I believe. 

5 W’s and an H

Not erry body know ‘bout dis ryming ting

o’ soun’ advice writ by Rudjer Kipling

Tis a such pity, since it a very clever ditty

I keep six honest serving-men

(They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling

POST OFFICE BOX F- 4XXX

In most places in the world postmen will deliver mail

even if they have to trudge through rain, mud or hail.

And, if there is a parcel to bring, they will never fail

to dutifully deliver the package as part of their detail.

But in Freeport in sullen comfort, no mailman knocks

instead, all mail is stuffed into a tiny Post Office Box.

OPPROBRIUM

Sip sip is the medium for rumours to thrive

and treacherous if reputations are to survive

Muddasick is a common forum for complaint

A moan ‘bout tings that wrong or simply…just ain’t

To survive either opprobrium you will

… need to be a SAINT

TIDAL VIGILANCE

Since a rising tide raises all boats

consider well and take careful note

spring and neap or shallow and deep

in one you paddles in t’other you float.

BAHAMIAN FOOD

Pork ‘n peas ‘n rice is nice

but only if a real small slice

chicken wings and sticky tings

only stomach trouble brings

Johnny cake make belly ache

all deese tings a bit like mud

and help develop de high blood

besides deese tings makum stout

but he who, day in, day out,

only eat dem burger ‘n fries…

its sad to say…but he jus dies.

Four thousand miles distance from the Bahamas another island could also improve the diet of its citizens:

MALTESE P’s and FAQ’s

The Maltese if you please

eat everything that starts with p’s

pasta, pizza, perzut, pastizzi,

pizzelli (made with common peas)

- but that’s not much from plants or trees !

so it’s no wonder we’re obese

…gastronomic questions please?

(Statistically Maltese children are the most obese in the EU)

THE FAR HORIZON

Looking across the far horizon, toward

the barely visible curve of planet earth

across a sea with giant energy stored

all tell of the world’s magnitude and girth.

Across this same ocean looking north

where dark waters extend to polar climes

mankind through ages has journeyed forth

enduring perilous passage many times

with fog, iceberg and danger never far

all illustrating how brave, yet fragile, we are.

PINE RIDGE

The ghosts of Pine Ridge linger still -

community gone, the railway and the mill.

Some planted vegetation, rubbish, fill,

a ruined church and foundations remain, where

other evidence of human habitation is rare

All providing elusive evidence still today

of a vibrant community long gone away,

a record not so much of a physical location

but more about an historic situation

in the pantheon of this island nation.

Dedicated to the most famous son of Pine Ridge.

The Hon. Hubert Ingraham, former prime minister of The Bahamas.

LAWYERS

Lawyers from time immemorial have been the butt of jokes. I turned one of the most common of them into doggerel with a home town twist:

If you think time is always cheap,

just hire an attorney…and weep!

The problem with lawyers: you never know where they stand

sometimes they represent angels – sometimes the damned.

Honesty is the best policy, this makes sense

but insanity is an infinitely better defence…

© Peter Barratt

His books are available in Grand Bahama at the Oasis shops, Bahamian Tings and the Garden of the Groves shops. In Nassau his books are available at Media Publications and most bookshops on the island.